Some of the women in my life.
My Mothers Day Flowers. Picked with love from Livvy in my in-laws yard!
For many many years, and obvious reasons I hated with a passion Mother's Day. Not because I don't appreciate and love my mother and grandmother. It still kind of seems silly really, but if it means breakfast in bed, a little extra sleep, and hearing my two year old from the other side of the house yell "APPY MUM'S DAY" I will take it.
I used to find every excuse in the book to hide myself in my bedroom and cry on this day. Then that was old, so I just got angry. Then magically in a blink of an eye it can all change. OK not really. Why didn't I like Mothers day? Because I always couldn't stand when people were going through a difficult time and everything stunk and then POOF just like that there worlds were perfect. I don't say that because I want to live my life in the past or in sorrow. I just don't want to forget what it was like to be sad. To want something so badly that was out of my control and yet it seemed like everyone else had what I wanted. Some not even appreciating it. Some dreading being pregnant. Some taking it all for granted.
I don't feel this way completely for myself. I want to remember these feelings for all the women out there who are struggling. For all the times someone would say the DUMBEST things to me. For all the times I was BEGGING for someone to make me feel better.
I never want to make another woman not think that I don't appreciate being a mother. I do not want my children to doubt the love I have for them. I do not want to ever rub it into another woman's face that I have something they don't. I do remember what it feels like to want to punch someone in the face when they would say "Oh it will all make sense one day". Because in that moment you don't care, It doesn't make sense. I still don't know why I can't carry my own children. I do know however that I am grateful for a birth mom who loved her child enough and trusted us enough to raise her and love her.
Maybe this does sound harsh and appear as if I don't have a sensitive bone in my body. But I think it's just the opposite. I love being a mom. I love having to put someone else before myself (and still learning that everyday). I love learning new things about my marriage, about myself, and about how a two year old's mind ticks.
I believe the reason why I hate this day so much is because of hard memories and the fact that we as woman are already so hard on ourselves and compare ourselves to Sister So and So down the street enough that we never feel like we can live up to this outlandish standard that we set for ourselves.
So here's to a Happy Mothers Day to each WOMAN! Mother or not, you deserve to feel loved. You deserve to feel cared and thought about. And our Mothers deserve it more and more. I know my Mother especially does after having me as a child!
Happy Mother's Day to these fine folks...
So I want to thank my Mother for being a great teacher. You live life to the best of your ability. You taught me how to be true to myself. As much as your probably wanted to I never felt hovered. You let me learn as I needed to learn. Even when you watched me pack my bags and walk to the of the driveway and then turn around and you walked inside. I believe I lasted about 4 minutes on the curb. You taught me that you can be happy in all walks of life. Just as you always said "They are no happier than we are". I thought you were full of bologna and admittedly sometimes do, but it taught me that I am in control of my happiness. You taught me that I can do anything I want. You taught me that family is the most important and for that I love you. It's worth fighting for, it's worth the hassle of loading the kids in the car to go spend time with family. You taught me that it's ok not to get everything I want, because no one does. You taught me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as we learn something from them. You taught me to live life simply. Even if that meant working in the hot summer sun on Saturday mornings and then heading off to Maverick for a treat, which meant a soda in the big orange mugs! Thank you for understanding the way I do things even if that means I am a closed book and don't let anyone into my feelings. Thank you for being an amazing mother-in-law to my hubby, even when he does sarcastic and silly things that may make the hairs on you arms stand up. Thank you for loving Olivia from the moment we called to tell you that we had a baby in the car with us and we were coming home.
I wouldn't have a reason to celebrate this day if it weren't for a very special lady in my life. To our birth mom. You gave us something we couldn't do for ourselves. I am forever grateful for you being so unselfish to listen to your heart and mind and doing the hardest thing imaginable. Our daughter will know how much you love her. Our daughter will know how special you are. I have learned the hard way that you have to rely on others for the most important things in life.
To my daughter, I love you. I love you more and more each day. Our relationship and bond is getting stronger and stronger. I love how you keep me on my toes. I love how you make me laugh one minute and want to pull my hair out the next. I pinch myself some days wondering how I was so lucky to be your mom. I hope you know how much I love you.
To my Mother-in-Law. You are amazing. You have gone through many a challenges in your life and yet you still smile. You try your best and always have. Not to mention you raised 4 CRAZY boys and you did a great job. They all are amazing men. Thank you to being a wonderful grandma to Olivia, you are always there when we need you, which has been a lot lately. We love you so much.
I am so grateful to have many wonderful and inspiring women in my life. To my sisters and sister-in-laws, to my wonderful mother-in-law, to my grandma's, to my aunts, cousins, and friends. I love you all so very much. I love what I have learned from each of them.
12 comments:
Awesome post, Am! You're amazing and I hope you always remember that! Thanks for reminding me how incredibly blessed we are to be women and mothers.
I love you!
How ironic from the girl "down the street" who always tries to make everything look as if it's perfect and is completely "intimidating" to so many people - and isolates herself to those who are just like her rather than embracing everyone - different or alike!
Also, how rude - I'm sure all those "women" you wanted to "punch in the face" were only trying to be kind - trying to say something (whether it was the right thing or not) to ease your pain, in some way - to care about you. And you wanted to "punch them in the face"?
Wow.
One more thing. Enjoy the two year old. I'm here to tell ya - they turn 14 eventually - and girl, you may just have one of those days when you, too, "complain" and "take for granted" this calling of motherhood" like all the rest of "baddies" who are REAL people having REAL lives, and BAD days too. Doesn't necessarily mean we're horrible mothers - or don't deserve to be mothers. We're just MORE real!
Stop being so judgemental.
WOW Miss Anonymous! Let's talk about being judgemental! I'm here to tell you, as someone who knows Amy better than almost anyone ... you CLEARLY have no real idea who Amy is and let me tell you, YOU ARE MISSING OUT! Otherwise you would NOT have made any of the completely rude and insulting comments that you did!
I am Amy's big sister and best friend! She is without a doubt one of THE most kind, caring, generous people you will ever meet. Is she perfect? NO! Does she have a perfect life? ABSOLUTELY not! In fact, if you had taken the time to really get to know her, you'd know that she's been through a whole lot. But that hasn't stopped Amy from getting up each and every day and facing those challenges with courage and faith. Not only that, she tries to look at the bright side of things and finds a way to enjoy every day, especially time with her husband and daughter. It's people like you who have hurt her time and time again.
As for the women who she wanted to punch in the face, I've felt that way a million times myself! We obviously know that they weren't trying to be rude, but until you've walked in someone else's shoes, you don't know how it feels. So, thanks for trying to "ease her pain." I'm here to tell you, you have done just the opposite in your comment today.
As for the 2 year old turning into a 14 year old ... WOW! EVERY mother (including Amy) has those overwhelming days ... even mom's who waited years and years to have children. But you clearly didn't receive Amy's post in the manner in which she wrote it. She was not criticizing anyone. If you'll remember, this is HER blog and these are HER feelings! She was simply journaling for herself how grateful she is for the blessing of being a mom. It sounds like you could use a good dose of gratitude yourself!
Trust me, if anyone is living a REAL life as a REAL person it's Amy! But does she go out of her way to hurt other people ... NO!
So Miss Anonymous, I hope you feel better for the things that you've said. But it's clear you haven't taken the time to open yourself up to get to know one of the most amazing people I've ever known. I'm lucky enough to call Amy my sister and I'm grateful for that.
She and I waited YEARS and YEARS to call ourselves "moms." It's something that we don't take lightly! We know that 2 year olds turn into teenagers. Will it be easy? NO! But are we thankful for the opportunity to give it a shot? WITHOUT A DOUBT! Maybe next time you decide to comment on someone's blog the way you did, you should get to know them first!
Am ... I hope I haven't embarrassed you too much, but I couldn't let this go! This really upset me! But take it from me, someone who REALLY knows you and knows your heart ... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I love you! You're the best!
Jill.
Looks like you two are cut from the same cloth.
You don't know me either.
Keep that in mind.
Thank you to both Miss Anonymous and to Jill!
Thank you Jill first of all for being wonderful and loving. You are an amazing sister and a best friend, who knows me in and out. I love you!
Thank you Miss Anonymous for reminding me the people have their free agency to say their feelings. And that's exactly what I did.
Sure I could blog about how crappy days are and what horrible things I have had happen in my life, but that may be to REAL for some people. I do understand and sincerely appreciate those women who have helped me in my life. I hope didn't offend anyone with my words and feelings, that was not my intention.
But maybe you have had women say some awful, hurtful, and judgmental things about you and maybe just maybe you know what that feels like?
I have always been labeled the girl who has everything. Can someone please explain that to me? How others IMMEDIATELY get to label ME that? Believe it or not, there are those who isolate themselves from ME for that reason. The ironic thing is that when I talk to people I get labeled as being fake. So no matter what I do I apparently lose and am wrong. If you really knew me you would know that I talk to ANYONE and that I love people. I love learning from others and their experiences. I love having friends who are caring and fun.
I find it funny that I have to defend myself from my feelings. But more than anything Miss Anonymous I would love to get to know YOU before I judge you. Here's my number 801.404.1859, call me sometime and let’s talk REAL about life the good and the bad. Because I do have bad days, my life is so far from perfect.
I do love being a mom, some days not so much, but I am trying. And when my daughter is 14 I know it will be hard, harder than it is now. But I would want my daughter to know that I love her and that her mother is REAL.
Have a wonderful day, oh and I actually mean that!!
Sounds like the three of us need to get together for a tea party?
Amy, I realize that I was hurtful in my earlier post, and for that I am so sorry. Really - I am.
My words came out of the hurt I've felt several times when I have tried to talk to you and have been (or it seemed to me) blown off because I'm not tall, skinny, blond, have a perfect house, am not a "young" mother - who knows why really, I mean - I'm only guessing as to why I feel like you've been less than interested in being my friend. I just know that's how I felt and it hurt. So, sorry if I hurt you back - I shouldn't have. I just was surprised to read what you wrote this morning - and really did find it ironic, though I don't want to discount your feelings. I believe they are true to how you have felt. It's just funny, isn't it - that people can feel hurt by people being mean to them, then turn right around and be mean to someone else?? Then, I turn around and do that very thing back to you - and I feel like a heel about it. Especially since you handled it with class rather than being defensive and jumping down my throat!
Anyway - I'm being sincere in my apology. I hope you can forgive me. Because in spite of feeling "not good enough" to be your friend, I still think you're a great mom - and a good person - with a good heart (at least from my distant observations of you) - and I believe you wouldn't have INTENTIONALLY hurt me.
I guess maybe I would call you but I'm a chicken.
Maybe if I ever dare to try reaching out to you again in the future, things will be different - who knows.
Thank you VERY much for the compliment! I can think of no one else that I'd rather be just like. I hope you'll take Amy's invitation to get to know her better!
Amy ... again, thanks for the heartfelt, sweet Mother's Day post! I'm sorry it's been tainted by someone else's comments.
As always ... I love ya!
Ame, You are the best, even if you're the young pretty blond girl that I am soooo jealous of! That's sarcasm for those of you playing along at home. Amy is an incredible little sister who is one of a few who gets me (I think?). You are an incredible mom and I am so thankful that we have you in our lives and soon we'll be closer. Love ya sis.
Now you "miss anonymous".
I so love when people have so many opinions yet don't have the "intestinal fortitude" (look it up) to say who they are, thus giving absolutly no value whatsoever to your aforementioned opinion. I do think I know you though, you ARE that person who says stupid things that are insensitve and naive. Why? Because you live in a bubble and can't see past your nose. You proved it when you mentioned to enjoy the 2 year olds because they get to be 14. F&%^ I love when stupid people know more than you because they are older or have more kids. You obviously are out of touch, just ask your 14 year old. Just once I think we should all sit down and live reality for a change and stop hating so and so because they didn't talk to me, or because they're pretty and I look like the red headed step child!
Now on that note I agree with you ames, Happy Mother's Day to all women that are mothers now or wish like hell they could be.
Oh and by the way, my name is Jeff Thurston and that, is my opinion.
Much better
First of all let me say how ridiculous I find it that we are having this private conversation on my blog. I would much rather talk to you in person and really get to the root of whatever issues there are. However since I don't know you and have no other way of contacting you I will do so to calm the storm.
I do forgive you. I know we all say things in the heat of the moment. I apologize for brushing you off, hurting you and not even knowing so. Unfortunatly it wouldn't be the first time or I am sure the last time I will hear this in my life.
The only thing I can say in my defense is that sometimes we as human beings may have bigger issues on our minds and may not feel like opening up to people. That is the only reason why I wouldn't be in the mood to talk to people. But anyone who knows me knows that I love my friends and making new ones.
It breaks my heart that you have this perception of me, who I am, and how I treat people. I wish I could change the way that people judge me, but I can't. I truly mean that my door is open for us to get to know one another. All judgments aside I am sure we would get along.
I wish you well. Thank you for bringing it to my attention again that I may not always have open arms and I will sincerly work on that.
P.S. Please don't judge my siblings for coming to the defense of their sister and friend. I am sure your friends would do the same. And I really would love to know who you are so I don't continue to hurt and offend you.
Actually, I think your brother (?) - and sister are sweet to come to your defense. I would like to think mine would do the same for me, though I highly doubt it.
Don't worry -
I have a whole new opinion of you since having this "private" conversation through the blog,
But seriously - my first comment really doesn't reflect who I am, and I would like to at least have the chance to start on neutral ground if we ever do talk again.
Thanks again for handling it all with class. I appreciate it.
Dear Amy & Company,
I came across your site tonight and was drawn into your Mother's Day photo so followed the link. I sure got more than I'd expected! I was in your place (former place) many years ago and it never ceased to amaze how cruel people were about my not being able to have children. Finally, at age 48, I became a teacher and now get to spend all day with teenagers...a dream come true! It's not the same as nurturing and "growing" children of my own, but it has helped fill that void that hurt my heart so very much. I'm so sorry that after you posted a beautiful, loving post on Mother's Day that someone felt it necessary to try and spoil your good wishes to those you have blessed you. Eventually, Ms. Anon. seemed to "get it" and hopefully, she eventually contacted you to apologize in person. I think it would be good for both of you if she had the courage to do that. In closing, I'm glad I found your blog tonight because it brought back to me some of the hurts and pains of the past...but also the gratefulness with which I now live my life. God had other plans for me and I have accepted the different path put in my way. Much love to you and your lovely family. Bess in VA
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