Pure Bibery

I get it. I know it's complete bribery. And guess what? I don't care.

You see what we have here to your right is a "Potty chart"

(can you see I took a lot of time and energy into making it perfect HA!

It was one of those Ah Ha moments when I grabbed a marker as I was saying "that's it I've had it")

And to the left.. "The Bribery". It's a pretty princess dress.

That is underlying hideous but it will be adorable when she puts it on.

I'm sure it will be worn outside and possibly at Walmart.

Oh wait no it won't, not unless I'm drugged at the time. 

So stay tuned to see if she gets the dress or if I have to wear it as influence. 

Why me? Oh yea it's called Motherhood!

Why me? Oh yea it's called Motherhood!!
This is what I thought today as the following happened to me. I'm telling you the strangest things happen to me and I had to post this tonight before I forgot/blocked it out of my mind. 

So I have sporadically decided to paint my kitchen table thus the need to run to the local Amy Twitty Toy Land also referred to as Home Depot.  As we entered I have to admit the thought did cross my mind, "uh Olivia hasn't gone to the bathroom for a while, I will go while in the store" and continued on my way to the Candy Land of color selections. 

I was in need of advice from the employee and there was a nice old man who kindly offered me assistance. However I do have to say it was taking a while and Olivia was running around like a monkey with other children her size.  I thought, "oh who cares, I need answers people" and kept one eye on her. 

After finally getting pointed into the right direction of the 18 products I was going to need, all of a sudden, I SMELT SOMETHING, SOMETHING AWFUL!! And I knew it, right then and there. We mothers know "THE SMELL", I'm referring to the distinct smell of our own children's POO!  Sad but true.

As this awful smell is elevating to my face and I notice the kind old man can smell it to. But he looks at me odd, then it dawns on me, he thinks I PASSED GAS!!  How do I explain this?  I don't want to admit that my dear sweet daughter has just relieved herself. 

Of course the restroom is at the other end of the store, so I decide to just wait 2 more minutes while my paint for my paint to be ready. No need in the rush the deed is done in her pants already. Besides costumers are backing away and clearing the aisles to make way for us, so that is nice for aisle congestion. 

Finally I think I can't take it any longer and neither can she. I notice she has creatively hiked her dress in the back up in her crack apparently to get creative and block the stench for a few seconds. 

And here's the kicker......

I go to pull the dress down from between her underwear and POO FALLS ON THE GROUND!  I'm not talking a small deer pebble poo, this is nasty and I will spare you anymore details but it was down right nasty!  I am embarrassed and I can tell so is she.  I hesitate for a moment then look up at these two fine men who are helping me and I can see the shock in their eyes. I kindly ask for some paper towels to clean up my mess and earn my keep! 

Thank goodness they are concrete floors for easy cleanup, I'm not considering installing concrete floors through my entire house.  So needless to say I ask my daughter, who shall remain anonymous, to walk swiftly but not to swiftly to the bathroom.  Thankfully I had a spare pair of undies with me. 

I may never be asked to enter the local Home Depot again. I may never want to enter a Home Depot again. I think they may have had to call Hazmat in to clean up the restroom!  So I will chalk this one up for the record books of motherhood! I love it, however, I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Mommy and O

I didn't know this picture was being secretly taken by my brother, thus the reason for the open mouth.
But truth be told I always have my mouth in this odd half openly shape anyways so I guess it's the real me.
I shortly after this picture was attacked with kisses from my little munchkin! 
I love the way she is intently looking at me, I wish she could tell me what she was thinking.
I would like to think she is saying "Dood job mommy, dood job" (aka "Good Job Mommy, Good Job")
My response would be. "I'm trying Olivia the best I can"  I Love you O, mommy needs you more than you know!"

Oh and don't mind the FOUR CHINS I have going on there, good gosh!!!  I could photoshop that out but was lazy!

Doing what I can...

Let's be honest we all have those days (or at least I hope I'm not the only one)

who feels like we aren't just cutting it. 

Thinking what have I gotten myself into.
Or my poor child for that matter. 

What am I doing wrong?

Or really I want to know what am I doing right?
To at least give myself a glimmer of hope. 

I understand I have PLENTY to feel grateful for.

But somedays, like today, if someone where to say to be "oh but Amy you are so blessed"

I would love to give them a silly slap across the face. 

I try and tell myself

You are doing the best you can.

Or am I?

Tomorrow will be better. 

It has to be. 

One moment at a time. 

One Two Three.....

Oh and don't forget to

BREATH! 

I just hope my nieghbors are laughing "with me" not "at me"
as they saw three meltdowns alone outside. 
I am not a patient person.
I am learning however.
It's not easy.

Its just hard when your adorable yet 2 year old

BREAKS you down. 

Into little itty bitty pieces. 

How is it that something so little can control so much?

I try and put myself in her shoes.

I try and her entertain the best I can.

So what do I come up with...

Lets go look at some baby chicks at the local IFA

I'm apparently a country girl now.
Yeeeehaw!!! 

    

This is what I saw on my way home with a screaming child in the back seat. 

I gave in

we stopped and got a treat

She did however

say

Thank you!!

And that made me smile of a bit!

I then pictured my perfect home on this land

with windows galore

and tons of love and laughter

outdoors playing baseball and eating hot dogs. 

Chili hot dogs!

Whew somehow I feel better. 

Now if only I had some frozen yogurt?

I would sit down, enjoy every bite and watch Dog the Bounty Hunter

and that will make it all better.