I have had this in my blog roll for weeks now, wondering if I should post this. So today I saw this quote and decided today is the day. I am writing this in hopes that I am not alone in this and that maybe I could help boost someone else's day. Life is beautiful, Life is fun, Life is a experiment. Life is also hard and trying. It can be emotional and exhausting at times. I know that women are extremely hard on themselves and sometimes others around them. Why do we do this?
For me personally I can be confident one day and not worry about what the bleep someone else thinks or cares for me that day. Because I know that I am trying to be the best wife and mom I can be, and that NOTHING else matters. Easier said than done. On the flip side there are days where I feel defeated. That I am just plain not good enough. Not enough for my husband (which is nothing that he does, it's the way I view myself). Not the mother my child deserves. Not enough to have friends, the genuine deep kind of relationships that last years and years. Not enough for myself, that I am not good enough or where I want to be spiritually, physically, etc. That I am not enough because I don't have lunch dates and nightly rendezvous with my closest hundred friends. I find myself feeling like I am in high school and trying to be a part of the cool club. I understand it's more of wanting to be accepted than anything.
Then I have to snap myself out of it and remind myself that I am Enough. That I constantly remind myself of what is really important and list those priorities out. And if I can say I am doing good and my best in those areas then the rest is just fluff! Then I found this quote today and it clicked! It's a battle of comparison. Comparing myself with others. And after I have slapped myself silly and wonder why I am down it's because I have let my thoughts of my weakness take away my joy. The Joy of who I am. The mood can completely change once I have allowed someone else to interfere with my joy. I am 100% a supporter of motivating others and believing that we can do what we dream and want. It's the extra 10% that can push us sometimes into the jealousy, envy, and comparison that gets us into trouble.
"We need to be told that we amount to something, that we are capable and worthwhile".
President Thomas S. Monson
It is really easy to look at someones instagram picture or blog and thinking "by golly they have it all". I am guilty of this, and I have had other's say it to me. I think it's always a hard balance between wanting to share all your personal trials so that others can relate or help you through experiences and keeping them to yourself and dealing with them privately. I am like many, I have experienced death, divorce, abuse, infertility, and other trials. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, my husband knows this! But I also guard my heart from pain or the possibility of it. One of my goals in life is for others to think of me as genuine and real. And though I am not a shy person, I struggle with feeling confident around others and accepted. Raise your hand if you are with me!
So now that I have spilled the beans, shared a weakness of mine, what's next? The only thing I can come up with is, go day by day! Live in the moment. For me that is being present, and not just in the same room, but being there for my husband and daughter. They need to know they are my #1. How can I expect to feel loved and appreciated if I don't put my same expectations out there of myself? Life isn't about how many instagram followers I have, what my big plans are for the weekend, or what size my jeans are. It isn't! And anyone can challenge me on that. I don't buy it. Yes those things can make life fun and you work hard for them. Yes I love doing those things. And yes they can be a part of my life, but that's not all.
"We should develop the capacity to see men not as they are but as they can become"
President Thomas S. Monson
Constant reminders that we are all daughters of God and that ultimately what he thinks of me and how I treated others, what good I tried to accomplish, if I thought more of how to serve others than thinking of myself, and how I loved others, is what I want to be reminded of. I don't want to sound harsh against people pushing themselves and promoting themselves. My personal goal is that I can do those things but I need to occasionally step back and think of why I am doing it. Is it for someone else? Am I motivating or discouraging others while doing so. I get it there will always be the haters out there who just won't be happy for others. That's fine, not how I think they should live their lives, but this is for me. I am going to continue to try and make a goal to stop the comparison. I love people and I love trying to improve myself. Find my weaknesses and push myself. I have plenty to be grateful and have been trying especially this month to focus on all the good that surrounds me. The good definitely out weighs the bad. I hope I have not offended anyone with my words, that is not my intent. This is a goal of mine and will continue to be, because this is life and we have to learn as we go. We all can have beautiful lives if we simply look for the joy!
