Olivia,
When you were born, Daddy and I weren't there with you. When you were born, Daddy and I didn't even know you were here on earth. When you were learning to sleep through the night, we were peacefully sleeping in our own beds getting a good solid uninterrupted 8 hours in. When you were learning to laugh we didn't hear it for the first time. When you turned 6 months both our worlds changed. Overnight.
You see you got to spend the first 6 months of your life with your birth mom. She got to experience all those sweet moments (minus the not sleeping part) with you. We are so happy that she got to have that time with you. Understandably many adoptions happen right after birth but for reasons bigger than us, both your birth mom and us needed that time to prepare for you. We have told you how many prayers were held on your behalf, we have shared the sweet stories of how your cousin at the age of 4 expressed without fear and with his little faith that he knew you were here and wondered where you were? Little did we know that you were having your time with your birth mommy.
You see mom and dad's heart's were very sensitive at this point. We unfortunately had a few adoptions fall through last minute. Our hearts were broken. And sadly it started to shake mommy and daddy's relationship. We knew we had to turn our hearts to Heavenly Father and if he wanted us to be a family, it was going to be his will and his timing. Looking back we now know why. Those precious babies weren't meant for our family. You were! So when a family friend told us that there was a beautiful 6 month old baby girl who needed a family, our hearts skipped a beat. We both still remember seeing the picture of you coming across on our phone and in that moment life paused. Without saying a word to each other we knew our life had just changed forever.
The next 24 hours waiting to meet you were the longest of my life. Driving to meet you felt like we were driving for days. When we met you the family you were staying with was beyond sweet and comforting. They suggested we take you for a drive and have some alone time with you. We ended up at a park, typical for Dad and I. We love going to the park almost daily during the summer. You were a little shy at first, which you still are today around strangers, and soon you were laughing and giggling rolling all around on this perfect summer night. You had our hearts. Your big brown eyes were looking through mine, and it was like you were saying "Mommy and Daddy you found me!" We were a family. We have since gone back to this park, usually on your "Gotcha Day" to spend time together as a family and share that special day to make it a great memory.
Driving home you cried and mommy tried comforting as mommy's do. I had no idea what I was doing but I tried. Finally you fell asleep. Calling family members saying there was a new addition to the family, calling friends to say that their prayers were appreciated over the past 7 years and had finally been answered, and calling bosses saying I wouldn't be to work in the morning or ever because I was now a mommy. Those were the happiest phone calls we will ever make.
The next few days and into weeks you had visitors daily coming to meet you. And as always the first thing they always said was "Oh she is even prettier in person." People were shocked when we had seen them 2 days before with no baby and then seeing us cart you around in a car seat was a shock to them. Oh and we called you "Babes" for the first three days. We couldn't find the perfect name for you that fit. We had a list of our favorites before but none of them fit you our your personality. When we wrote Olivia on our list that was it! You were an Olivia.
It's been 4 1/2 years since that day and still my heart begins to melt when I think back to that day and those moments. Was it all worth it? Absolutely! Was it crazy? You know it. Where Mom and Dad happy? The happiest! You came into our lives at the right moment and the right time. You are our daughter. Teaching us the importance of family and the the covenants we made. Daily you remind us how to be better, the responsibility we have to raise you to your fullest potential. You are one amazing little girl. A tough cookie and a tender heart. Girl emotions off the wall, contagious laughter, and curls that every girl is envious of. We love you sweetheart more and more with each new day. You are anxiously awaiting the arrival of another sibling. Trust us when we say Mom and Dad are as well. That's why we pray for our baby daily and sometimes you like to give use a heart attack and say that you're going to have a baby brother and a sister.
Adoption is a leap of faith. Adoption is a spiritual experience that is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't gone through it. There are so many unknowns. Will this child love us? Will this baby hold my heart as if I were to carry it myself? Will this precious child question why they were placed for adoption? And the truth is, a lot of these questions we are figuring out as we go along.....I think they call that parenthood! One thing is for sure that when we first met you, we felt complete peace as chaotic and surreal as it was we knew everything was going to work out. We of course don't go a day without thinking about your birth mom and the sacrifice and gift she gave us on her behalf. We don't know much about your birth father but we think about his as well. We talk about her all the time and how amazing she is. We want you to know how loved you are Olivia that she thought of you before she thought of herself. You will grow up knowing how special she is and how much she loves you. She is an angel in our home.
Our Heavenly Father knew that our hearts couldn't handle a drawn out process at that point. I vividly remember pleading with him that I wanted to be a mommy more than anything in this world. And why wasn't something so good happening? Why couldn't I carry a child, what I was meant to do here on earth? Where Daddy and I not good enough? Daddy was so sad to see mommy's heartbroken. Daddy's heart was lost, he longed to be a father. I remember bawling on the side of the road while out for a walk, telling Heavenly Father that I don't know how long I could carry on with this trial. Thankful we have siblings who have adopted as well, that they could relate with our pain. Knowing now how things worked out, it taught us a lot about patience. It taught us to never judge others and their situations. We were unfortunately judged several times both before our adoption and afterwards. It is still to to this day a good reminder that many are dealing with the pain of not being able to carry their own children. Even though we have adopted and have a child we still are sensitive to those who pray for a child. I never want to forget the lessons we have learned. And the truth is I still don't know why I am not able to carry a child, why us. I often cry and long for that experience. We want more children and are starting the adoption process again. We are thankful everyday for the gift we received and can't imagine our lives without you! We love you Olivia.
