Funny Story ... at my expence!

So yesterday I broke down (some details in the previous posts).

I mean I LOST IT!

I am going to have to go back to the bank and apologize to the bank teller for absolutely breaking down in front of her.

I thought I was smart and wearing my sunglasses indoors.

Nope, that didn't work! 

Who did I think I was fooling? I should have known to stay clear from any public places. 

So in an attempt to "wake up on the right side of the bed this morning" I thought I would redeem myself, for my sanity to try and remember something funny.  Truth be told stuff like this happens to me a lot, so I will continue to share my embarrassing, humiliating, yet funny life experiences to brighten a day!  

So here it goes.  I will apologize in advance for my writing skills. I type how I think. I write how I speak.  But for the sake of keeping the attention span for some I will keep it short. 

Story time kids, gather around.....

At our annual trip to Swiss Days this year my sister and I found this booth with great adorable shoes for little girls.  We purchased some and continued on our way home.  They were adorable. 

They were to big for my ever so growing out of EVERYTHING 2 year old who is currently wearing a 4T!  My nieces shoes didn't fit either so I knew we were going to have to be doing an exchange. 

Luckily we had a business card and contacted the owner of the store. She lives in the next city over, WALAA!

 Easy as Pie! 

I could exchange them quickly and without a fuss. 

Boy howdie was I in for it! 

I called the lady and made arrangements to meet up in a few days.

I did so on a bright sunny day. 

I told this fine lady, who shall remain anonymous, that I would like to see if the new shoes fit my daughter who was sitting quietly as an angel in the car waiting for my arrival (can you sense my sarcasm?) 

They fit! I little big, but I will take it.

Glory day!  

I walk back up to the door and say thank you and just as doing so the gal says "Ok thanks Amy!" 

It catches me off guard. How the blazes does she know my name or remember it for that matter. 

And then it hits me....... she looks kind of familiar! 

Oh crap. 

Panic.

What do I do? 

Do I stop her and have a REALLY awkward moment as I try and figure out who she is? 

Or do I act like no big deal, and fight my inner soul and try to convince it that you don't know who her and who cares?  

She has since shut the door. Ok well I guess that answers that question.  

No, I can't let it go. I feel stupid now.  

 I immediately call my sister and say "what's the girls name on the business card" 

She ever so kindly in her angelic voice says "&$#@"

Oh crap!!

I knew it, I do know her!

I have known this chic for my entire life.

Ok since like the 1st grade!

I ask Jill what to do?

I say should I call her and apologize for looking like a total idiot? 

I tell her I'm going to and I can hear her laughing from 400 miles away. 

She tells me to call her after I talk to "&$#@"

I'm nervous. What the heck am I supposed to say? 

It's ringing.

It's still ringing.

Saweettt!

VOICEMAIL!!

No wait!

Now what the heck do I say on a voicemail.

It's like I'm having a one way conversation with myself. 

I panic. I panic bad. 

And this is my voicemail. (Disclaimer. It has been a couple of weeks since this instance, since I have tried to block it out of my mind, but I still have a great idea of what I said) 

Hey "&$#@", it's me Amy Thurston!

How are you? (as if she is going to answer me, mistake #1)

I am so sorry that I didn't recognize you.

It was great to see you. 

Again I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you.

I hope you're doing well.

It sure has been a long time.

(and this is when it gets interesting)

We have some great memories together.

One of the greatest memories I have with you

is at one of your birthday parties when your mom ran over a cat!  

Holy Crap, did I just say that? I just told this girl that I have known for 30 years that one of the ONLY MEMORIES I HAVE WITH HER, IS OF HER MOM RUNNING OVER A CAT!  

Not to mention that I haven't seen her for 13+ years and this is the first thing coming out of my mouth. 

Not to mention that I'm leaving this on a voicemail.  

Not to mention that I can't delete this now!

Or can I? Oh I don't know how to do that. 

I then panic on the voicemail and admit to her that I sound like a complete LUNATIC!

Sound like a lunatic? I am a lunatic! 

I hangup but clearly not a moment to soon.  

I call Jill and can barely speak I'm so embarrassed. 

Jill is dying. 

I'm a fool that's all there is to it. 

I can just picture her gathering her friends, neighbors, strangers, around her phone to listen to this crazy lady who left her a out of this world voicemail.  

So there ya have it. Olivia your momma is losing it, and it's all your fault because you needed shoes!